Cell Phone Opinion Essay
This is my essay from the English composition class. The teacher asks us to write expository. I don't know if I express
what I thought appropriately. Or do I need to add something to develop my essay? (Of course, the grammatical errors like
the usage of "the" etc.)
I admit that there's space for improvement. But, I tried really hard to write over 300 words. It took me great deal of time.
I would be very appreciate that someone suggest me how to make the article lengthy.(especially in a test) Please feel free
to inform me what I should notice or improve.
In modern society, cell phones have become an integral part of our daily lives. It is increasingly rare to find someone who doesn't have one.
According to Wireless Intelligence, nearly 73% people possess cell phones over the world. As far as I am concerned, there are three main
features. First, people replace heavy telephones with portable cell phones because of convenience. Also, cell phones are even lighter these
days. You can contact with a person everywhere instead of waiting in a long line outside public telephone booth. Next, as technology advancing,
the entertainment on cell phones would no longer be just boring, easy games such as Doodle Snake. More interesting, exciting games like Angry Birds
are added to cell phones. With Internet connection, it's pretty convenient to browse the websites such as Facebook or Twitter. Also, sharing music
and movies are available through cell phones. Just press one button, you can connect with the whole world. Most important of all, cell phones are
very useful for emergencies. Take some examples. The devastating typhoon, hit the mountainous area in 1998, destroyed Hualien greatly. The rescue
team saved a woman successfully because of the signal from her cell phone. In addition, the Norwegian massacre happened in July this year. There
was a 15-year-old girl, hiding behind the rock, texted 46 messages from her cell phone. The action helped her calm down and let her parents know
she's alive. Also, a built-in software called CPR&Choking in iphone show how to solve the problems when there was someone injuring. Either of the
examples shows that cell phones do work in case of emergency. Indeed, we cannot live without cell phones nowadays. The gadgets bring a lot of
convenience to our society. As more functions are added to cell phones, we'll surely benefit even more.
Hi, I can help you with a few things:
As far as I am concerned, there are three main features. "features" is not the right word here. You are trying to say there are three main reason that people choose to purchase and use a cell phone.
You can make contact with a person anywhere instead of waiting in a long line outside public telephone booth. This sounds a little funny to me, probably because in America, there are never lines at a phone booth! LOL Hardly anybody uses them anymore.
Next, as technology advances , the entertainment on cell phones isno longer boring , like easy games such as Doodle Snake. I fixed the grammar, but it is unclear whether your example of a game is a boring one, or a new innovative game.
You have many good points in your essay, and you make some very specific examples. If you need to lengthen it, think of a few more scenerios where a cell phone would be useful/needed. You are doing great, just work on your grammar a bit more.
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Cell Phones In School
January 29, 2010
To start with, there could be a family issue. So you need some way to make sure everything is ok. Like what if someone in you family died or went to jail. So wouldn’t you want to find out when it happens? So what would you do? Text your mom to find out. Well, that’s something I would do.
Second, it will keep your mom or dad aware of things going on in your school. Because high schools got a lot of gang violence going on. Even sometimes schools go on lock downs due to things that happened during school. Like there could have been a shooting in school or even near school. So for kid’s safety just in case the school goes on lock down. Your mom would need to know. So the kids could just call or text their parents and tell them what’s going on.
Last, there could be an emergency. You could get really sick and not be able to move or anything. Some kids have seizers so how would the ambulance people going to know whom their mom or dad is. Also something could have happened during school. Like someone got in a fight and guns got fired or something like a stabbing. You never know what’s going to happen at a school. So that’s my main reason of why kids should have phones in school.
My opponent’s claim that having cell phones in school is bad because kids will text their friends. Even be disturbing to the class. Because of the loud ringing. But I on the other hand think kids should have phones just keep them on silent or vibrate. What would you choose? Hopefully you would choose yes as your answer to having cell phones in school.